My drug of choice.....

Every day I fight a battle with my drug of choice.  The moment I wake up I am thinking about what I can have for breakfast.....and so on thru out the day. At the end of the day I feel defeated that once again I have failed.  

What people seem to forget is if I had a heroin addiction I would be sent to a rehab place and taught how to overcome my addition, and if I was poor or on the street I could get into some county program. All I would have to do is never do heroin again....wa la problem solved. But my addiction is food, the thing we have to partake of each and every day in order to live.  It's all over TV, billboards, there is a fast food joint on every corner.  I can't even go to a friends house and not be exposed to it.  My problem is not easily solved.  

Let's face it - I'm good at cravings.  I'm even better at writing binges off as "cravings."  It's part of the food addiction... mentally justifying binges, mentally justifying eating. 

It's hard to explain.  I guess it feels like I'm starting a diet tomorrow, and right now is my one and only chance to eat whatever I want and use the excuse that it's the very last day I'm going to eat my favorite foods. Now, I feel like my unhealthy, addicted mind is telling me "You have an excuse - eat whatever you want!"  I don't want to get back in the vicious cycle.  Instead, I want to clear my mind of the bad habits I have made.  I need some kind of hypnotherapy to forget that I even like food.

I want to be healthy - both physically and mentally.  This doesn't start tomorrow (like my past diets), it doesn't even start now, it started yesterday (or months ago when I started this blog) when I made the conscious decision to get healthy, the conscious decision to live.  

Even though it feels like I'm erasing my recent hard work because I'm gaining the weight back - I need to not forget the progress I've made mentally.  I don't have to forget how to eat healthy, I need to learn how to say no to drugs food.