Wishing for a Different Direction

These past few months, I've come to appreciate the way an astronaut must feel orbiting the earth, looking down on what used to be his life, forcibly disengaged from it to the extent that all focus is centered elsewhere. It seems the only thing I have to look forward to these days is my boss not being in the office.

Called Tina up this morning on my way into work and just vented on the shit I have to put up with. I guess you could say I felt better but I know at the end of the day I have to go home. I at least I got him to take a shower this morning but the bed is crappy - at least his side.

I am back on track with the diet and I have to succeed this time, I am tired of being a failure. I haven't been going to the LA Weight Loss meetings with any regularity since probably July, and it shows. The meetings grew to become one of *those* things. I figured, "you know? I don't have to deal with this one anymore." *slough, slough* It was the easy excuse to vacate a thing that had become unbelievably important to me. A meaningful one hour a week where I committed - both internally and to everyone else - to take care of myself.

Sloughing it off?

Self-destructive with the best of intentions. As always.

It seems with my surgery also came lots of reasons to “not” I was somehow hoping that when I awoke from surgery I would be in a different world and actually be happy….silly me.

Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down.
~ Charles F. Kettering

There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud.
~ Carol Shields

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.
~ G.B. Shaw