(originally written February 27, 2015 at 3:11pm) Sometimes I had difficulty remembering that "all you can eat" is not a personal challenge.

Habits and mountains have a lot in common. Both require steady, consistent deposits to grow. Both are stalwart and stubborn things. Both can be changed, chipped away at a little at a time until inexorably altered. Whether for the good or for the bad? Well, that depends on a trillion and one factors: the motivation of the alter-er, forces of nature, intention, desire, determination, stamina. 

I never really believed I could quit eating sugar. With good reason. Because every time I considered quitting, I would arm myself with all the tools required to guarantee my own failure. I self-sabotaged, knowing full well what I was doing, even as I was making all the right noises and "efforts" on the surface. I gave myself permission to fail, and so I did. Time after time.

But then, a funny thing happened. I did quit.  After 40+ years, I put the sugar down and never looked back.

What changed? What was different? 

Me. I was different.

I made up my mind to succeed. I convinced myself I could do it. I didn't care about making all the right noises; instead, I made all the right choices, for all the right reasons.

The human mind is a fascinating, creepy, weird, wonderful, tricky, marvelous thing. 

And it doesn't control us near as much as we like to let on.

Because, in truth, we control it. We undermine its strengths or harness its powers, but *we* do it. It is a tool at our disposal, to utilize as we see fit. It cannot make us do or be or think or feel or determine. We fuel it with information, use it to crunch data, apply filters designed and predetermined by life experience, and then ... we choose.

WE decide.

We come to a fork in the road of our decision making process and we choose: left or right? good or bad? apathy or empathy? 

There are myriad examples of this in my own life. I can point to moments when I opted for the path that was the right one for me. And I can tell a million tales about those times my choices proved wrong. But what I find most frustrating is how many instances of reaching that fork and *deliberately* making the choice that would leave me poorer for having done so I can identify along the way.

How many times have I indubitably known better, but proceeded, sans caution, anyway?

Sugar is a perfect illustration of this. 

Decades-long, repetitive battles with my weight/health/fitness is another.

I talked to my doctor. I accepted medical help,  I held tight to the image of my soon-to-be-born granddaughter and referred to it as often as I needed for motivation and inspiration. I deep cleaned my car to get rid of the hidden candy. I talked to myself constantly, feeding my mind positive messages and visions of what success would look like, feel like, be like. I acknowledged the positive changes in my body and my health that couldn't be denied: my energy levels increased, food tasted better, the monstrous all night long full body pain, then disappeared completely.

I had reached a familiar fork in the road, and this time, for a change, I picked me. 

That was one year and five months ago.

On January 1st of last year, I came to another familiar fork. One path led to my bathroom scales tipping a number I was mortified by. To settling for clothes I didn't like, that didn't fit me well, that exhibit zero sense of personal style. To another season in a bathing suit designed to cover up my body "flaws" because I couldn't be bothered to correct them. To another summer filled with getting in my own way and lessening the potential enjoyment to be had through physical exertion in the glory of the great outdoors. To continuing to admit I was in some way satisfied with being less than my best self.

On January 1st of last year, standing in that old familiar place, eyes drawn by habit to stare down the path of least resistance, I made another choice.

And this time, again, I picked me.

This is getting to be a habit.

But it's one I can live with. Literally.

__________________

This is my millionth time (charmed?) doing Weight Watchers. I've always had success with this program when I am diligent in following it. The thing I like most about it is that it is not a diet. It is, in every sense, a lifestyle change. 

If it's so successful, why do I have to keep coming back? Because somewhere along the way, I *choose* to stop practicing the common sense ways the program instills. I give in to my weaker instincts, and I convince myself that's somehow okay. 

This time, I am working hard to convince myself that's *not* okay. That I'm worth more than that. That my health matters. That being fit and enjoying the confidence that can bring is more valuable than any contradictory alternative. 

This time, it feels different. 

__________________

Here are some tips and things that work for me. These not only help me stay on track in terms of following the Weight Watchers program, but they work to help me instill healthy habits into my every day life.

1. Plan. Plan. Plan. 

It is impossible to stress how important this is to my success, or lack thereof. Failure to plan = sure fire failure. The last thing I want when I am striving to cultivate new eating habits and lose weight in the process is to find myself in the kitchen late at night, with no plan. Well, hello, bag of Cheetos! Don't you look convenient and tasty! 

Yeah. 

No.

I am the girl with the blue binder of meals, lists, and coupons. Here's the drill: I map out my menus for the week, starting with dinners. I re-stock my go-to breakfast items. I map out a couple of treat-type items for the week - Skinny Cow ice cream, or Weight Watchers key lime bars, usually.

I buy broccoli, carrots, grape tomatoes, snap peas, cucumbers, etc. I buy cantalope, berries, grapes, watermelon, navel oranges, bananas. When I get home from the store, I prep and chop all the veggies and put them in a big plastic container in my fridge. I call this my new "cookie jar." I do the same with most of the fruits (except bananas and oranges), and throw them all together in a big glass bowl in the fridge. It's easy, sweet, juicy goodness, ready when I want it.

Leftovers are my favorite thing to pack for lunch. But even if my best laid dinner plans call for having enough to create a lovely leftover lunch every day of the week, I have a back up plan. I keep a couple of Healthy Choice frozen meals on hand. I NEVER DO NOT KNOW "what's for lunch?" - NEVER. 

I often go online to my WW tools and  plug in my meals for a couple of days out, just so I know where I am in terms of points. I can always adjust them if something changes, but I find the looking ahead to be a very helpful exercise. I know what I'm eating, when. No mysteries, no confusion, no misunderstanding, no "I didn't know!" It works for me.

I even plan for indulgences. And I do indulge. Going to dinner with friends? Okay. Okay. Knowledge is power; if I know, I can plan, and if I plan, I can succeed.

2. Breakfast.

The most important meal of the day, they say. I have never been a huge fan of eating a meal in the morning. I love breakfast foods...just not at 6:30 or 7:00 a.m. But I know that for me, eating breakfast is a key that unlocks many doors. It gives me more energy and helps me focus better early in the day - which is not my normal time to shine. It also satisfies me well into the lunch hour. So, eating breakfast daily has become a long term goal. To help ensure success, I've developed a couple of go-to's.

• A light, multi-grain English muffin, toasted.
• A container of Greek yogurt.
• A hard boiled egg and a slice of whole wheat toast.
• A light, multi-grain English muffin, toasted; 1 tbsp. peanut butter, and a sliced banana.

I always have the makings for two or three these on hand, and because I will never achieve my dream (nightmare?) of being a morning person, I pack them in my lunch box to throw together/eat mid-morning-ish. 

3. Miscellany.

Moving matters. I loathe "exercise."  Accountability is crucial for me. It's how I'm wired. Joining WW and paying the monthly fee motivates me. It also kicks my competitive nature into overdrive. Telling people I'm trying to lose weight motivates me, too. I don't want to fail publicly. Documenting every bite I eat and when is not only an accountability tool, but it's a real eye-opener, as well. Especially in the early going. I document my exercise, too, for the same reasons.

I drink water all day long. Alllllll daaaayyyyyy lllooooonnnnngggggg. Water is my friend. It keeps me feeling full, it flushes me out, it makes my skin glow, it keeps me hydrated. 

I keep some stuff at the office for those "just in case" days. I usually have a couple cans of Progresso light soup, a frozen meal, a yogurt, a piece of fruit. Then, if I forget my lunch, I'm covered. If I get the hungries and have to eat something or die! (ha), I'm covered. It's sound workplace policy! 

My weigh-in time is Friday morning. This might seem a bit masochistic, but it works for me on several levels. Fridays being Fridays, for one. Knowing I'm going to step on the scales as soon as the weekend starts really helps me focus on what I eat/drink/do from Friday night to Sunday. It may be "free" time, but it doesn't have to be a "free for all," if you get what I'm saying.

I work hard to recognize old habits, and change them. Even if I can only carry away a couple of small stones at a time, eventually, it adds up to positive change in the form of a brand new habit I've built, piece by piece by piece.

Why is it so hard to take compliments with grace? If you're me, you are a master of diminishing the impact of a kind, from the heart compliment offered up in the spirit of encouragement or friendship or inspiration. Stop it. And I'm saying this mostly to myself. STOP THAT. Take the compliments. With grace. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging hard work paying off.

In that same vein, I find being open to a support system is nothing but a bonus. People who are cheering for you. People who are journeying with you. People who inspire you. You've probably already got one, if you haven't dismissed them out of hand out of habit. A bad one! Embrace these people. Let them in, and then return the favor. It takes a village, truly. And while receiving is fun, giving is what makes us whole.

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
~  Aristotle