A squirrel died this morning.

"Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live."  Henry Van Dyke
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Well it was dead, not sure when it actually died.  It looked like it had fallen out of the palm tree they seem to be living in.  I was saddened by the sight and laid it to rest in my garbage can.  It was a male and looked mature in age.  I wondered as I gave it the heave hoe into the garbage if it had a family. Was there going to be little babies that weren't going to get fed because of the death.  What a chain reaction one death can make if you really think about it.

So that is how this year has gone for me, kinda like a squirrel dying.  One moment your busy living life, going thru the motions to support your family the next your doing nothing.  And nothing is my mainstay these days.  Kids off on there own, grandkids with there mom, husband working out of town, dogs doing the dog thing.....me doin nothin.

I have so much I "NEED" to do, so much I "SHOULD" be doing but I can't get the focus.  There is that "DIET" I can't wrap my fat body around.  It seems every time I think or say "DIET" my body gains five pounds.  There is the "EXERCISE"  I keep telling myself I'm going to start because without it the "DIET" is doomed, well it's doomed anyway.  I do have the "PURGE" I wanted to do with my boxes of stuff.  I'm on a mission to get everything scanned so I can have access to my stuff where ever I am.  Oh and let not forget the "REAL ESTATE" class I bought and paid for in order to advance myself.  Still just sitting in my office, still in the box......waiting for me to "get my ass" in there.

I know I'm failing myself right now and I can't get myself to stop.
I'm failing my family
I'm just plain failing
Shit....I hate that word.